Give me back my PILLOW!!!!

Yeah. It's already 10 am but still, it's too early to get up when you didn't go to bed until like 4...up with a small child who decided, at 1 am, that he wanted popcorn and to watch an Inu-Yasha movie. Yeah.

So now I'm trying to get motivated for today and it's not working to well. Gotta clean out the fridge (already did the freezer), clean the house (bathrooms, living room that sorta stuff) and sort through some more cupboards. 

Yeah...just not looking forward to it. On top of that, I'll be yelling at my sister the entire time who's sick and will try to help although she doesn't need to. At all. Keep the hell away from me, Germy-McGermGerms. 

Well, I'm going to put Bleach Memories of Nobody in the DVD player for my seven year old nephew and get to work....but I don't wanna and you can't make me!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH...Ok.

I'm going.

L8r

-Continue-

Okay. I'm done. Like 3 hrs later but I'm done and my arm is sore. I got spring cleaning fever. Or so says I when I scrub the floor on my hands and knees. Ouch.

Ugh. My hands smell funny. Like dish soap. And I HATE that. So I guess I'll just rest for a second and then go jump in the shower. Well, not really jump 'cause I've done that once and it did NOT work out well. Another issue...I'm hungry. And thirsty but since the floor is wet and I left my drink on the table I guess I'll have to wait. I hate walking on a wet floor, even if I mop that area again...it just bugs me. Get over it. I may not be a clean demon everyday but I can be very paticular on certain issues. And wet floors are one of them. That's usually why I mop it around midnight, when everyone else is in bed otherwise I tend to bite some heads off because THEY think it's okay to walk on it. No. It. Is. NOT!
I don't give a shit if you're trying to walk along the carpet that the kitchen table is on...It's too close so back off!
GAh!

Yeah. Another thing that really bugs me? I tend to listen to music when I'm cleaning. And since most people here don't listen to Emilie Autumn I have my mp3 player, carefully and smartly, tucked into my bra and headphones in. I don't get why people always come up to me and try to talk to me. Not only do they know I'm listening to music, THEY can hear it! I have it loud enough that if I take out the headphones, I can still hear it...so seriously. Don't walk up to me and start talking and then tell me I'm being "hateful" when I'm trying to mop and jerk headphones out at the same time and say, "What??"

Yeah. Stop. It's annoying.

Ew! My hands feel dry. Jeeze. Can't help it! I'm not "girlish" but I can not stand stinking or icky feeling/smelling hands.  The only solution?

SHOWER TIME!

L8r.

I HAD A PRETTY RED RIBBON....(read post for the rest!)

And I tied it in my hair.
It gave me a girlie-girl flair.
So I killed a PUPPY.
The End.

...I'm bored. 
Yes. Me. Bored.

My sister and her two children will be here before long and I suppose I'm just waiting for all the commotion that will follow.

I could go and play Fatal Frame 2, again, but no sooner then I do, they'll be here and my nephew will either want to watch a movie in my room or my niece will beg me for the controller since she likes that game.

Speaking of games...I guess that's what I'll write about.

So I'm playing...Tokimeki Memorial...or something? 2nd Love Girl's Side or some shit like that. Yeah. Bored. I'm only playing that because I've already beaten The Nameless Game for the nds, which is AWESOME if you have something so you can use the English patch. Silent Hill 2 is somewhere and ever since I got the new operating system for my comp., I've uninstalled Silent Hill 3, American McGee's Alice AND Silent Hill 4: The Room so no playing those. I could read a book but that will be short lived since no later then everyone gets here, I'll have to start cooking dinner/packing groceries in. Oh, I guess I could check and see what's playing at the drive in. YES!

YES YES YES!
The town I live in is so small and backwards, we have an actual DRIVE IN, no movie theater(you have to drive about 45 mins. to get to the closest one), just a drive in. And how the hell do you spell theater? Whatever. So, I'll get right onto checking that. 

What the hell am I writing? A shitload of gibberish. Yeah. That sounds about right.

Never got around to watching MAMA last night so I'll do that tonight with my sister.  I did, however, watch the 3 minute short that inspired the movie. That was pretty damn neat.
Gotta love the creepy shit.

So...uhm....er.....ahhhh....
I'm on episode...11? of Inu-Yasha the Final Act and I feel like I need a strong anti-depressant to finish it. But not zoloft. That shit sucks. Trust me, I'm talking from personal experience but yeah. And damn...sad thing is, I don't even like Kikyo but I still cried. I yelled at the T.V, or rather Inu-Yasha "DON'T YOU DARE KISS HER!", because while I don't care much for Kagome either I still think she and Inuyasha are cute and belong together, and yet, I still 'awe'd' and cried some more when they kissed. 

Kagome and Inuyasha are clueless. Kagome, grow some balls and confess. Inuyasha...get the fuck over it. Kikyo's dead...forever *sniffles*...next best thing is to get it ON with her reincarnation and make some hanyous! Wait...would they be hanyous? I mean...he's a half demon and a hanyou but would children between him and Kagome be half demons? Gah! Now I'm confused! Quick! Get the shikon-no-tama from NaruNaru and wish for Inny to be a full demon so I'll no longer be confused! I don't care who does it but HEED MY WILL AND DO IT NOW! 'Cause if you think Naraku aka NaruNaru is scary, you haven't seen shit yet!

AWE! Iron Man 3 is playing at the drive in this weekend! Usually, there's a double-feature but apparently not this weekend. Damn. I wanna see it. That and Warm Bodies (THE BOOK IS GREAT!! READ IT).

Yeah. I'm bored again. I'm going with Saeki to see the fireworks festival sooooo....I guess I'll go do that. He's annoying but cute...I guess? 

Toodles! You poor, poor unsuspecting soul who just might have enough brain cells after reading all the above to still read.

L8r.

~*~I'M BACK BITCHES~*~

Oh, my! 
It's been ages since I last blogged/posted anything on here. I suppose I could blame it on the slow internet. Yeah, I've always had it but since I've gone from Windows XP to Windows 7 Ultimate...it's only gotten slower. Hell, I hardly ever check Facebook anymore. Not missing much, I admit but still.

So, let's see. What's new with me? Hmmmm....

Well...since I've last posted, Ash and I have made up. Well, we already made up but now I feel like we truly have, and that's just on my side. There for a few weeks, we were on the phone from ten at night until the phone died. She's made waffles and I've played Just Dance. Yeah, we're talented friends ^.^. She's expecting her first child and I'm incredibly happy for her! She's getting married in a few months and that makes me even more happy! The guy she's with is pretty cool, although we've had our disagreements in the past, he's a damn good person and Ash deserves some happiness after the way Life has been. 

Oh, a friend of my sister is pretty damn awesome. We were talking on the phone, through my sister, talking about Anime, Video Games and my dolls when I said something about how I've always wanted a Coffin-Shaped-Bookshelf ever since one of MY "friends" said they could make one and he said it seemed like a cool project and has been working on it...sorta. He's made a really small one that opens and closes and wants me to see it to make sure I like it before he tries making one like it, only bigger. Yep! It's going to be big enough to fit some of my dolls. Mazie, for sure, will be placed there and probably Sae. Lulu looks good where she's at...standing on top of another shelf with an old antique tea pot and tray I found at a thrift shop for $20 bucks. Yeah, seems like a lot but it's very beautiful. 

I've gotten a few new Wii games. Mostly, games my niece and nephew want to play but also Resident Evil 0 and Resident Evil Archives: Darkside Chronicles. The two Resident Evil games were a steal in price and play. Not only do I love them but so does my now 7 year old nephew. And he's pretty damn good at them.

Let's see. What else?
Oh. I've gotten to see some new Anime series. Hellsing, I loved! I'm looking around for Hellsing Ultimate now. I've been watching Vampire Knight and FINALLY- Inu-Yasha: The Final Act! Yea! I just finished episode 7. And twice already, have I gotten teary-eyed. Never cared much for Kagura but still....that was sad. Blood-C..OMA! (Oh my alucard XD) That series was just beautiful. I finally saw the movie, Blood-C The Last Dark and was sadly, disappointed. It wasn't what I was expecting but I've come to realize, most movies based on/after/during anime series do tend to just...forget about what made the series so great. And to me, a good plot is worth watching art drawn by a five year old. The movie was nice but the plot kinda pissed me off. After seeing the last episode, I was expecting to see more of the journey and how Saya dealt with it but I guess not. I was also kinda hoping to get something a little similar to Blood+ but a no-go. I was almost convinced, for a short time, that Saya had a twin but no...apparently not.

Books. I've been reading many of those, too. Read the entire Soul Screamers series after checking out the 5th book at my local library (if you want to call it that) and found out that it was the only book they had. Yeah. See my dilemma here? If I tried to list all the books, we'd be here for a spell but if you're into vampires/werewolves/anything paranormal I HIGHLY recommend you read Written in Read: A tale of the Others, or something, by Anne Bishop. It's great and I had to refrain from hitting my monitor when I found out the next book isn't due to be published for like...a year...which is like a lifetime for me when it comes to books.

Well. my mp3 player is charging, I have a cookie dough blizzard calling my name and Mama to watch. The new horror movie, not some random child-bearing woman. 

So, I guess I'm done ....for now~

A rarity so R!A!R!E

Have you ever, for just one moment, sat and thought about people? Not people you know, but the people you don’t know? Maybe you’ve thought about that girl that seemed nice but you just didn’t pursue any kind of relationship with, friend or otherwise. What about the boy who seemed so willing to lend an ear even if denied the same courtesy.

           

            Can you lay awake at night and think about where the one person who you’ll be with forever is? What they’re doing? Who they’re with? Or have you decided, on some misguided principal, that there’s no one out there for you? That perhaps being alone is better or even what you truly deserve? 

             It's not. You don't deserve to be alone. Not now, not before, not ever. Everyone is unique and in turn, everyone has someone who will appreciate them for who they've become not for what they can be. 

             Not everyone bases everything on looks. So what if you're scarred, fair, big or small. You are you and there's no one out there just the same. And don't ever lower yourself to thinking you should be different. Don't let others influence you and change you when you don't want to be changed. Take pride in who you are just as the person who truly loves you will. 

               Be Brave. Be Silly. Be Odd. Be Normal. Be Scared. Be Alive.

                                       But don't ever be discouraged. 

                                               You ARE loved.

                                            Even if you don't beleive it.

If Only-If Only

I have to say…I’m not one for drama. And maybe that’s one of the reasons why I don’t try to stand up for myself too much. But right now I feel like screaming in the faces of a few people. But mostly, I feel like saying “I feel pretty friendless right about now.” And the thing is…I think that’s the most honest thing I’ve said this week.

I understand that a few of my friends are busy with life. Such as Jay. Yeah, I know he’s busy and whenever he is on, we usually talk or email. And I love him for that. But when I make plans with a friend and she blows me off just to hang out with three other people(two of whom I also consider friends) it sorta hurts. Like really bad. And I don’t know if they just don’t think or if they just don’t care. All I can say is…I think I need some new friends. Badly.

I remember back in school, two of above mentioned people, and I would always hang out. We went to movies after school, the mall, stayed all night(or tried to) in cabins and went on “Adventures” but I guess now they’ve moved on. And I have to wonder if it’s because of something I did. Is H mad at me because I refused to do her English papers in college? Was Z never a friend?

I’m just so sick and tired of shit. What, you don’t want to hang out with me because I don’t have a car? Or because I didn’t have money to get you something for your birthday? Well, what is it? I’d love to know.

So…I guess, in the flesh wise, I have…Brad. And Angel, but she’s not exactly close to my age, but more a less an awesome Mother figure who I do hang out with…a lot. And Neko and Nikie but they don’t live here anymore so it’s sorta hard to see them.

I wonder if this is karma or something. Some shit went down and I pretty much said “FUCK YOU” to a friend and now I wish I never had because I believe her with all my heart and wish I could take it all back. I wish so much for that, that I’d give anything, even my own life. So…I guess I get to feel alone like she probably did when even I turned on her.

It’s not nice. I feel like I could die tonight and no one would show up to my funeral. Oh wait, they’d probably all show up and try to act like they were my best friends. I’d almost bet there’d be some “We always hung out”s and “I wish we hung out more”s.

I guess my main thing is…before, I’d ignore it and just be thankful I had friends. Now, however, I don’t feel that way. I just want to leave and never look back. I want to have people who care and don’t act like I’m always the last, worst plan conceivable and should only be thought about when A) They want something; B) Everyone else is tired of their shit or C) Being near me will accomplish something they want.

Fuck you people. I’m so over it.

Yeah. It’s gotta be karma.

And on a last note. Ashley Nicole Brown, if you ever read this…I am so fucking sorry. I love you soooooooooo much. I treated you like shit and you didn’t deserve it at all. I know you’ve told me I’m forgiven and I just wish you were here to hug right now. Because…honestly, I don’t think any of my “Actual friends”, not to be confused with “Part-time Backstabbing Friends”, could cheer me up like you could. They could take me to the moon and back and not make me smile. But if you were here and you smiled, I’d know things would be ok. You count for not only My Best Friend, but the only friend I’d ever need in life. And before I turned into a backstabbing bitch myself, you would’ve happily been that one best friend.

I love you, Ash ^.^

What if...

What if I don't give a damn anymore, hm?
   Why do I know that you won't even notice?
      When will it all come to a screeching halt?
          How could the shell around my heart, the one made from the pain and poison secreted-hardening into a fine metal, break?

 Simply.

 Because of you.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, I hate you.

For making me...for making me...for making me...for making me...

feel this way, you who is spawned from demon, claiming ties to man.

And then there was....

Was what?
Are you dying to know?
  I bet you are.
   I can hear that lovely organ of yours beating frantically, faster and faster and...
     I'm not going to tell you.
For I fear that overactive heart of yours could not handle knowing.
Fiendish, aren't I?
        No?
Well, enjoy that dream that is comfortingly rocking you, wrapping it's tendrils of goodness around you for don't you know all dreams become nightmares when I get involved?

Perhaps a change of scenery.

Oh, joyous news!
I've begun work on my next doll. I do not yet know what I shall name her, she has neglected to whisper it sweetly into my ear whilst I sleep. Alas, there is plenty of time left for that. Perhaps she's too shy and proper to gallivant around my chamber without pretty garments of pretty colors adorning her pale porcelain flesh.

Oh. How a sewing machine would hasten my work. I suppose though, that I do not mind having to work painstakingly slow. Stitch by stitch, my work comes to finish. However slow.

I  feel anymore should I write would be dreadful and dull. Perhaps next time, I will allow you a peek into my mind.
  And maybe there, you will find what was once.